Poetry in motion

I  found this at our bowling club and thought it was worth sending. lt would make a great read for THE SHOT magazine. The author has no idea l have it; by the way he is about to turn 90 years of age.

IT AIN'T MY FAULT

Composer: Graham Dunscombe,
Black Rock, To the tune of Jingle Bells

So you want to be a bowler
Well you’d better get it straight
You’ll need excuses by the score
To kid yourself you’re great 

And when the skipper indicates
Just where he wants the jack
If you can only get half way
Just blame your dicky back

Chorus

Oh down you go
Bend down low
Swing without a hitch
Oft it wobbles down the rink
Damn! lt’s in the ditch

lf it seems your eyes are crossed
Missed kitty by a mile
You say: By jove a great back bowl
And don’t forget to smile

lf your opponent’s bowling well
Just make a mighty show
Of handing him his bowling ball
Then drop it on his toe

Chorus

lt’s not your fault the flaming rink
Won’t draw this way or that
Maybe it’s going up a hill
Or maybe it’s not flat

The breeze sprang up just as l bowled
l felt it as l knelt sir
But if the wind’s a problem mate
Just try and Alka Seltzer

Chorus

The groundsman should have watered it
Or should have let it dry
lt ran 10 seconds yesterday
Oh! Don’t it make you cry

The experts eye the grassy sward
Pronounce it fast or slow
The only thing they all agree
The other bloke don’t know

Chorus

There’s some who lean this way or that
And some talk to the bowl
And others that kick up their feet
Just like a shot for goal

l might have got a toucher
But they moved behind the head
And then they coughed just as l bowled
No wonder l saw red

Chorus

And now to end this little tale
About a bowler’s woes
If you can’t get a Pennant game
Take this form one who knows

lt’s not because you just can’t bowl
Or other club’s defectors
Of course it’s not your fault at all
Just blame the poor selectors

Chorus

Thanks to Mac Langley, Secretary, Black Rock Bowling Club for submitting this to THE SHOT magazine. 

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